Catchy title, huh? And no, this post is not meant to embarrass my wife, it is what I preached on this past Sunday night at the 20-somethings service.
A few weeks ago, I was hiking with a longtime friend. We have attended the same youth group when we were teenagers. Our conversation went to relationships and marriage, and he said, "You know what they never told us when we were in church? They never told us that married sex is the best sex!"
I thought about that for awhile. He was right. The church always scream "DON'T!" and everyone else always scream, "Do whatever makes you feel good!" But no one ever said that sex is great when it is done in the proper context. So that is what I spoke on.
Speaking about sex is a tricky issue. It can be embarrassing to everyone; the speaker and the audience. It is easy to turn everything into a joke and trivialize the issue. It is also easy to resort to a "Don't" mentality when speaking in a church. We are also fighting against a culture that perpetuates the lie that "everyone is doing it" and that says, "Do whatever feels good."
I think what needs to happen, though, is that we need to talk about it in a way that is upfront and honest, and still puts forward a standard that is honoring to God. There must be a middle ground between the "Don't!" and the "Do whatever!" mentality. That middle ground is that sex is better when it is done within the appropriate boundaries.
Have doubts? Read Genesis 1:27-28 and 2:20-25. In Genesis 1:27-28, God blesses the sexual union and makes it something of which we should not be ashamed . In Genesis 2:20-25, God tells us that in the sexual union two people are bound together in more than a physical way; they become one flesh.
Biblically, sex is for marriage. There are many instances in the Bible of people who use sex in the wrong way and deal with the consequences. We see the damage that improper sexual relationships cause in today's world.
Why would God place sex within marriage?
1. It requires a commitment. Yes, relationships fail, but often because someone fails to live up to the commitment they have made. We have changed the meaning of love from being a commitment to being a feeling. So, we hear people say stupid things like "I love him, but I am not 'in love' with him." Or, "She is not meeting my needs so I have to go elsewhere."
I think we sometimes give up before things can get good. We look for the "in love" feeling and so we jump from relationship to relationship to keep that feeling. When the feeling fades, we move on. The problem is that true love requires a commitment. It means sticking it out through the rough times, and, I believe, becomes a more meaningful expression of love. We skip out to look for a feeling and miss out on something much deeper and more meaningful.
2. Sex is more than a physical act. The Bible tells us that the two people will become "one flesh." Through sex, two people become attached forever whether they like it or not.
As a teenager I worked for a restaurant. One night the waiters and waitresses were sitting around talking about their sexual conquests. One of the more promiscuous waitresses suddenly turned serious when she was asked, "What about your first time?" She said, "It was about 30 seconds on my ex-boyfriend's couch. I wish it had something more memorable." She will never forget that, she can never get that back, and she will always be connected to that person.
As a church, we need to tell people that sex is not bad. It is, however, something to be practiced within the boundaries God has set. But every time we hide it, become embarrassed by it, or get nervous about discussing it, we tell people that it is something bad. It is good to see more and more churches taking a proactive approach to the topic of sex without trivializing it or turning it into a big joke.